Thursday, April 16, 2009

The state of the Internet

I find it hard to post less than 140 characters. Yes, I've become addicted to the Twitter phenom. In case you're living under a rock or in a part of the country where marrying your cousin is legal, is the newest way to keep in touch with friends. And celebrities. And people you don't know very well.

But instead of writing this off as just another web phase, I suggest you give it a try for yourself. At first, I had a hard time writing my innermost thoughts in just 140 characters. After all, even typing something like "OMG, I just took a HUGE shit that resulted in my intestines almost leaking out of my asshole. But I'm fine now because, like, who needs intestines anyway?" is more than what is allowed! And, to some, describing every single thought, action, or bodily function is paramount to their Twitter success.

And let's not forget the celebs! We have everyone from Larry King, to Demi Moore, to Ashton Kutcher, to Kevin Pollak, to Jim Gaffigan, to Shaq, etc, etc. And they will "tweet" you back! Well, that is if you're lucky enough to send them a message at the exact same time they're reading their messages. And, yes, I know they are some of the most fan favorite twitterers out there, but if you have hundreds of thousands of people following you, you probably don't have time to answer all of them back. It's part of being famous. Who has time for the little people?

But overall, I'm impressed. I've met some really good and righteous people via Twitter and I'm glad that I get to tweet them back and forth every night. They have given me insight into some awesome websites and made me laugh at unexpected times. Plus the amount of spam is WAYYYY less than Facebook or MySpace. Find a spammer? Block them! Unfollow them! Twitter makes it easy to do so and I, for one, am thankful for that. Sure, I like web cam girls as much as anyone, but I don't need to be reminded of the fact you ARE one every fucking day! Mix up your spam with some relevant facts and websites. For instance "Hey, I found this site that lets u host pics". Follow that up with "BTW, u can see me fucking a banana on that site"! Instant hits!

For the most part, I like this form of interaction better than most social networks. It's not perfect, but a step in the right direction. Now get online and follow me dammit!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Best Superbowl halftime show ever?!?

I've watched a lot of Superbowls. Yes, genius, I'm older than most of you. And although the game itself was actually watchable for a fucking change, the commercials were shit. Ohhhhh, Budweiser went back to HORSES again! WOW! has hot chicks with big breasts! AMAZING! Hulu got Alec Baldwin because I'm guessing Carrot Top wasn't available for a fucking million dollars worth of air time. AWESOME! Yes, the sarcasm is intended fucknuts. Don't get your Ambercrombies all in a fit over it.

But Bruce Springsteen OWNED the whole damn show. He's got to be......what.....80 now? Yet he didn't look a day over 62! And he came back with the original E Street Band! Yes, even the dudes from the Conan show. There may be some debate over what was his best moment. Was it jumping on top of a piano like Tom Cruise on an Oprah couch? Or the guitar swinging? Or, my personal favorite, the KICK ASS I STILL FUCKING ROCK power slide! Did you see that shit?!? He did a power slide BALLS FIRST into a camera. As the camera man composed himself after thinking "Omg, Bruce Springsteen's balls were just inches from my face", he put the camera on the face of Mr. Springsteen. And, honestly, I'm not sure if that smile from Bruce was one of sheer rock and roll joy look, or one of having your fucking balls shoved into a camera lens yet the "show must go on" look. Either way, it was fantastic! The biggest surprise: nobody by the last name Jackson, Spears, or Timberlake to ruin the thing.

Plus, I swear I saw the Bone-us brothers....errrrrr.....I mean JONAS brothers in the audience taking notes on how to actually be a fucking rock star! So now the game is done. I have ate Nachos covered with disgusting cheese like products. I have suffered the sacrifice called the "lack of internet time" to watch grown men pat each other on the ass for a "nice catch". SIDENOTE: Homosexual men often pat each other on the ass for the same reason. Just saying.

But, Bruce, you were worth the whole thing dude! Superbowls may suck, but you, my friend, will always rock! You have power slid your way into my music collection again. You can be my catcher anytime.